I was at the park last week and found that the waterproof satchel I dare call a purse was overflowing with various items including sunscreen, a great book, and the flowers (i.e. weeds) that my sons picked for me. As I searched for my SPF 30 lip balm (I am a redhead after all), I realized that summer is finally here in Wisconsin. This time around, the year's arguably best season is bittersweet for me as it is likely the last time I will have weeks of free time to spend with my kids.
Right now I am in the midst of my first clinical rotation so I can only watch and be jealous as my babysitter heads out with the boys for swimming and picnics, but when I finish this block at the end of June I am off for six weeks and then it is my turn. I love the time I get to spend with my little ones, especially when they are still young enough to want to spend the majority of their days with Mom. I also enjoy the time away from home when what I do is truly separate from my family and enriching for me alone.
I was a stay-at-home mom for five years before trading in playdates and meal preparation for school books and compounding. Going back to school was difficult, but at least the playing field was somewhat even. Some students had more extensive backgrounds in pharmacy than others (I had none), but we were basically all at the same point in our education. During rotations, of course, the playing field is anything but even, and as a student I am at the bottom of the ladder. I fully expected this clinically, but I was surprised to find even administrative meetings intimidating. When I sit at a conference table and observe the leaders' talents and management skills, I can't help but wonder how far behind I have fallen. Had I stayed in my former career job instead of choosing to be at home with my kids, would I have built those skills by now? Would I have moved up the management chain to a leadership position? What if I had gone to pharmacy school when I was younger, before any other job or kids? What has been the opportunity cost of my choices?
My answers to these questions are only guesses, but what I know for sure is that I am glad to not have missed seeing all the little changes that happen when babies are babies and toddlers are toddlers. I don't regret my choices and I would make the same decisions again if time travel was possible. I only wonder about the "what ifs" so I can accept my deficiency of skills, recognize my unique abilities, and clearly see where I am in life and where I want to go.
#parenting #PharmacyStudents #NewPractitioners