My husband and I went ice skating this past holiday weekend. Unfortunately, there are no icy lakes in the Pacific Northwest, so in pursuit of this holiday experience, we had to go to the mall. Amazingly, one of the local malls has an ice skating rink inside, which made for an unexpected holiday adventure.
What struck me most as I strapped myself into my rental skates was 1) omigosh, it has been a long time since I have done this (decades!) and 2) how badly it will hurt if I fall (being that ice has the intrinsic property of being somewhat unyielding like concrete). But no matter, I told myself, ice skating can’t be THAT difficult…look at all the children lacing up their boots…they don’t seem to have any qualms about falling down. So I shouldn’t either. Nevermind that I don’t know how to actually turn or stop or anything fancy like that. I came to skate, so I just need to stay upright and try not to take anyone down with me if I fall unexpectedly. “I came to skate,” I resolutely reminded myself as I wobbled out onto the ice.
Well, I got out there. It was pure mayhem. Little kids and adults flying left. And right. And left. And right. And falling down. And getting up again. And falling down some more. It was frightening. I couldn’t control my own trajectory let alone the trajectory of the other folks who were unexpectedly (and sometimes quite creatively) hurled into my way. So I did what any sensible person would: I promptly made my way to the wall for safety. Thankfully, someone had designed the outsides of the ice rink with a nice solid bar all along the top for holding on. And within a few moments of catching my breath and surveying the scene, I started to notice something. While there were people in the middle of the ice, a majority of the people skating (or trying to skate) were clinging to the wall the entire time as they went around the rink. I think all the falling in the center of the rink made the people on the wall that much more determined to just hold on. It is human nature. Just get through it. Be safe. Don’t fall. Just don’t let go. Everything will be fine so long as you just hold on.
The people at the wall, I noticed, accomplished a very slow shuffle around the perimeter of the rink without ever falling down, but with one caveat: they did so without ever actually skating. And the recognition of this empty gain at once made me impatient to break away from the safety of the shuffling herd to get to the middle of the rink where all the action (and fun!) was happening. I didn’t come to the ice rink to shuffle along the outskirts. “I came to skate!” I thought, “I need to get off the wall!”
As a new practitioner, it is only natural to want to stay at the periphery of things rather than jump right in. We want to survey the situation, get our bearings, and strategize a workable solution to the problem or issue at hand. But sometimes, jumping right in is what is needed. How many times in life, have we clung to the wall for safety because we were afraid of getting out into the middle where the action (and sometimes the mayhem) is? How many times have we cheated ourselves out of the exhilaration of a transformative new experience because we were afraid of failing? Of falling down hard? Holding on can be helpful at times, but the problem really starts when let our current frame of reference define what our capabilities are—when we start to see shuffling as skating or when we let our fear hold us back from becoming the person we were meant to be.
So, despite, all my fears of breaking something vital and falling down hard last weekend, I let go. And I actually skated. And it was a lot more fun than creeping along the wall. It certainly was precarious at times, and there were a couple of VERY close calls. But I didn’t fall. And I am glad I let go. Because I never would have experienced the same sense of freedom and self-reliance if I had never ventured out of my comfort zone and faced down my fear. As a new practitioner, I am continually challenged to break away from my comfort zone and face down my inexperience so that I can become a better clinician. Facing down these daily challenges can be daunting at times, like my fateful skate last weekend, but doing so has revealed abilities and strengths I would never have known about had I not pushed myself beyond my perceived limitations.
If you find yourself clinging to a wall, I challenge you to break away from what is holding you back personally or professionally and find your own stride. Trust that you will be able to overcome the thing you fear the most. Know that the outcome (falling or failing) is never as bad as you envision it to be. Take the hand of a preceptor, a mentor, a friend (or be that hand to another) and get off the wall. You will find you are capable of more than you imagine. You will, as I did, find serenity in letting go.
#Mentorship #Professionalism #NewPractitioners #InpatientCarePractitioner #Resident #PharmacyStudents #Residency